Where should your usefulness depend on?

I have to highly recommend Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest book because as much as I’ve thought that I already know a lot, this book pierced me deeply telling me that I don’t.

“What is extremely important is for the worker’s simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing. His usefulness to God depends on that, and that alone.”

I’ve come to a realization that I have recently used my strength alone in doing my ministry. I thought that I know much and dealt with my circumstances my way. I grew tired. It was all exhausting. I thought of quitting because I thought my life would be much easier.
One day I was burning inside. Lots of fire. And one day, all that fire consumed me negatively. Where is my motivation now?

Little did I know that I, for a time, wasn’t aware that I relied too much on what I already know. Which will seem to be more dangerous if I didn’t found myself reading a page of the book I’ve mentioned above, and finding some answers to my questions. But the book didn’t provide me the answer. The Author did.

Motivation. What should be the motivation in doing His ministry? The answer is so simple – “your relationship with Me.” These words pierced me. All along I have thought that the main motivation is to witness how we’re growing as His church but it wasn’t. The best motivation is Him.

There have been more challenges when I decided to know Him more. It even made me want to quit and not pursue it anymore but what good will life still give me if I don’t spend it with Him? There will be more pain in this pursuit but this is not my pursuit alone. It’s His. And I will joyfully watch how will He unravel my problems. He will not do it because He is only passionate about us – His children but it’s for His glory, and His glory alone.